All Posts Tagged: Scottsdale Psychologist

Why I do what I do (And how does therapy help?)

People sometimes ask me, “How can you listen to people’s problems all day long? That sounds like it would be really depressing.”  I guess if I looked at it that way, it would be kind of a downer!  But thankfully, I don’t see what I do that way at all.  (A psychologist or psychotherapists job is far more complex than just listening, many sympathetic people can do that!)

I don’t see what I do as listening to people’s problems, I see it as listening for the solutions (and then the fun and rewarding part: helping people to find a solution or a different way of seeing and doing things).

The listening part of my job is a very complex task.  I am listening to “the problem,” I am looking for connections, patterns and threads. I am listening for the roots of the problem. I am listening for negative beliefs and maladaptive meanings that support the problems, and I am thinking of possible solutions. Phew. No wonder my brain is tired by the end of a full day!

I recently watched a TED talk called, “How to inspire anyone to do anything”.  I found it very inspiring indeed!  Simon Sinek’s point is that people are inspired to act by why we do what we do, not by what we do.  I think that is exactly why I find my job inspiring and rewarding, not depressing.  It is not the listening part (part of what I do), it’s why I do it, that inspires me, keeps me doing it, and hopefully is giving my patients what they need to improve their lives.

No one’s life is perfect.  We all have things that have happened to us that color the way we see things or that get in the way of our living to our potential.  I do what I do because I find it very rewarding to help people identify the source of the things that are getting in their way, so they can live a more full, productive, healthy and happy life.  I enjoy helping couples to deepen and improve their relationships, and their communication so they can continue the hard work of being in a relationship.

Sometimes people think having to get therapy is bit of a punishment or a sign of weakness.  I think it is an amazing opportunity and a sign of strength. Successful therapy requires at least two active and engaged people (the therapist and the person or people seeking therapy).  The transformation and meaningful change that ultimately results from”listening to people’s problems,” is why I do what I do!

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Feeling Stuck, Becoming Unstuck

Many people seek out therapy or counseling when they are feeling stuck.

Obviously, if they felt like they could fix it on their own, they would not be in my office. But it is often helpful to gain an outside perspective when trying to overcome this type of challenge.

People often feel stuck when despite having figured out why they do something (for example repeat a negative pattern over and over again like choosing an inappropriate partner, or rekindling a relationship they know is not healthy or choosing to be in relationships with people they can rescue or take care of etc) they still can’t seem to stop doing it.  They will say, “I know why I keep doing this, and I know that I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it, I still feel this way and then it happens again and again.”

Understanding what needs to change, but feeling unable to make the necessary changes can be frustrating and disappointing. By working with a psychologist, counselor or therapist like myself, people can often identify and address the barriers to change so that they can leave the negative behaviors behind.

Some of the main ingredients of change are insight (or new information), motivation and time (see my blog post  “Making Changes, the Ingredients of Change“).

One reason negative behavior is repeated, often lies in an upsetting experience from the past. It is usually necessary to understand how this past event affects our current behavior as a first step (see my blog post “Getting to the Root of the Problem”). This is the insight or new information—the connection we make between our current behavior and an experience from the past that is driving it.

The logical part of our brains can figure out what we are doing wrong, but sometimes the emotional part just won’t listen to reason and allow us to make the necessary changes.

When this happens it is sometimes necessary to help the emotional side of the brain communicate better with the logical side of the brain, so that the emotional part of our brain and the logical part of our brain can be on the same page (or work together towards the same goal, versus being at cross purposes).

One way to do this is through the use of a technique called EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (Click here for more information about EMDR).

Through insight oriented therapy, talk therapy, and/or cognitive therapy (sometimes including the use of EMDR as a tool in counseling) people can gain the insight to help facilitate making the changes they need to to become unstuck.

If you are stuck and looking for a Scottsdale psychologist or counseling in Scottsdale, I would be happy to help you become unstuck. Feel free to Contact me Today to Set up an Appointment

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