All Posts in Category: Anxiety/Worry

Living in the present

Those of us who are anxious or depressed (or miserable for whatever reason) tend to spend a lot of time in the past and in the future and not so much in the present.  If you apply my wave analogy (see my last post) to this, what do we know about the past?  Everything that is in the past falls in the category of things we can’t control.  Similarly, much of what is the future falls into the category of things we can’t control (and it isn’t here yet so we can’t control it yet anyway).  So that leaves us with the present.

Your life is a series of present moments and you can either be there for them or not—they are on a use it or lose it basis—you will not get them back.

The more you can focus on the present, the less room you leave for depression from the past and anxiety for the future and the more relaxed you will be.

The practice of mindfulness is the practice of being fully present – it is inherently relaxing—therefore again a good way to combat anxiety or other distress, is to be in the present. This is a practice that has been around for thousands of years.

Let me give you an example that may illustrate how you can bring mindfulness into your day to day life.  Let’s imagine that I am multi-tasking like many mothers do.  Let’s say I am helping my kids with their homework, checking my email, doing a load of laundry and starting to get dinner ready.  While I am doing all of that, I am hungry so I have an orange on my kitchen counter and every once in a while I pop a section into my mouth.  At some point I go to reach for my orange and it’s not there.  I look all over thinking I may have left it in the laundry room and soon realize I must have eaten it.  I didn’t notice because I was paying too much attention to other things and I didn’t have enough left for my orange, and it is too bad for me, because it was probably delicious.

If instead I decided to eat my orange mindfully (now I am not necessarily suggesting you go this far, this is just an example) I would notice everything about that experience.  I would notice if the orange felt cool in my hands, I would notice the color of the orange, is it bumpy or smooth?  I would break the peel and would notice the smell of citrus and the stickiness on my hands. When I eat it, I would notice if it was sweet or sour, juicy or dry…When I was done eating the orange I promise you two things would be different: 1) I would be more relaxed and 2) I would not forget eating that orange.

If you can bring a little of this into your daily life, you tend to enjoy and appreciate the moments of your life more and you have less room for rumination about the past or anxiety about the future.

  • Use your anxiety or depressive or angry ruminations as a cue that you need to be more mindful.

Living in the present does not mean we shouldn’t learn from the past or plan for the future—it just means focus on the present.

While this is easier said than done, no one else can do it for you and if you don’t, you will only be wrecking your own “day at the beach.”

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Worry is like a rocking horse… it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere!

Focus on what you can control- A wave analogy

Let’s say I wanted to go to the beach one day and I decided to make it my goal to stop the waves from crashing into the shore.  Since I am a very determined person, I am going to do everything I can think of all day long, and clearly I am going to have absolutely no effect on the waves and am going to be frustrated and exhausted… likely a very bad day.

Let’s say the next day, I decide I am going to just go to the beach and ignore the waves because yesterday didn’t work.   Chances are, I am going to have a much better day.

The obvious moral of this story is… if you try to control something that you can’t control, the only thing you will do is wreck your day at the beach.

  • Focus on what you can control- don’t wreck your day at the beach

Although my example is very obvious, no fool would go to the beach to try to stop the waves from crashing into the shore–we do this kind of thing all the time.  For example if I was worried about my health, and I went to the doctor and the doctor said I had to take a medical test to make sure I don’t have some big bad disease.  Let’s say the doctor says we are going to take the test Monday and will find out the results on Thursday.  Chances are very good I am going to spend Monday- Thursday worrying about the results of that test.  Well if I get the results on Thursday and it is good news, what a waste of Mon- Thursday that was!  If I get the results and it’s bad news – well I still have wasted Mon-Thurs when I could have been in ignorant bliss not knowing I had this disease—and guess what? I am still going to have to start doing what I need to do, to make myself healthy again starting Friday.  Worrying did not change anything.

  • Worrying is like a rocking horse, it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
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